| This sensation is strange and stupid |
[Nov. 16th, 2008|10:42 pm] |
I think it's called "stress." Being an English major, I haven't had much experience with stress before, but it really sucks. I think I felt something akin to it last semester with Java (fucking Gries), but Java never really mattered. But with grad school shit and thesis shit and, of course, regular class shit (which for some reason is more demanding this semester than ever...goddamn small, participation-mandatory classes...) I think I'm feeling it for realsies. Yeah fuck stress.
***
Elementary School Musical was a great South Park episode, for a bunch of reasons, but here's why it was better than you thought it was: in the scene where the boys are watching High School Musical and lamenting about how gay/popular it is, on screen is the scene - and, indeed, the very shot from that movie - that I tell people about. The one where the main girl walks through the cafeteria during a song-and-dance number and looks confused and frightened. Upon seeing that, I realized that the idea of a musical where one character doesn't understand what's going on and goes insane would be absolutely fucking hilarious (and different enough from that Rocko's Modern Life episode that it wouldn't really be plagiarism).
And that, of course, is exactly what Elementary School Musical was. Call it a leap of faith, but I think the fact that, out of all the stupid little shots in that movie, Trey chose to include THAT one, is pretty good evidence that he thought the same thing I did when he saw it. Normally I would call bullshit and bitch about how some asshole stole my idea, but seeing as Trey Parker is one of the very, very few people I acknowledge as my comic superior, I instead take it as a sign that I'm thinking exactly the way I should be.
Awesome.
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| You know what I hate? |
[Oct. 27th, 2008|06:26 pm] |
GREs. GREs are stupid.
Also I hate sleep deprivation.
And also I hate the Phillies. It figures the one time a Philadelphia team is gonna win something, it's when I have money against them. Assholes. |
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| Movies! |
[Oct. 24th, 2008|01:16 am] |
So I've decided that updating this with details of my life isn't something that interests me much anymore. I will tell you to go hnyah, which is where I'm posting my musical endeavors; and I will tell you also that Facebook is a fucking douche for temporarily increasing its character limit for the movies section, then dropping it so I can no longer update my list...
...which is of course why I'm updating. In an effort to watch more movies, I've watched 12 movies - none of which I'd seen before - between last Thursday and tonight. Mostly, they were awesome. Mostly.
In order of goodness:
Being John Malkovich
City of God
One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
Dr. Strangelove
A Simple Plan
Stand By Me
The Cabinet of Dr. Caligari
It's a Wonderful Life
SLC Punk
Hancock
The Machinist
*Huge Gap*
*Another Huge Gap*
Wild Hogs
Yeah. That seems about right. Here's my new list, now 119 seemingly arbitrary films strong:
*EDIT 10/24* - I watched Taxi Driver, so now it's 120 seemingly arbitrary films. Awesome.
Kill Bill
Army of Darkness
Pulp Fiction
Blazing Saddles
Willy Wonka
Spiderman 2
Princess Bride
Being John Malkovich
Taxi Driver
Kung Pow
Adaptation
Silence of the Lambs
The Matrix
Batman the Movie
North by Northwest
12 Angry Men
Citizen Kane
LotR 1-3
Grindhouse
Casablanca
Dogma
Shawshank Redemption
City of God
Riki-oh
Forrest Gump
Seven Samurai
X2
Hot Fuzz
Clockwork Orange
Groundhog Day
From Dusk Till Dawn
Truman Show
Team America
Star Wars 4-6
Snakes on a Plane
Pan’s Labyrinth
Dodgeball
History of the World
Eternal Sunshine
Rear Window
Batman Begins/Dark Knight
Vertigo
To Kill a Mockingbird
Sin City
Bubba Ho-Tep
One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Nest
American History X
Orgazmo
Dr. Strangelove
Violent Shit 3
Poolhall Junkies
Troll 2
A Simple Plan
V for Vendetta
Pick of Destiny
The Wicker Man
Kung Fu Hustle
This is Spinal Tap
Monty Python's Holy Grail
Reservoir Dogs
Fight Club
Fargo
Clerks
American Beauty
Brazil
Donnie Darko
Labyrinth
Sweeney Todd
Patton
300
Requiem for a Dream
Enter the Dragon
Jay and Silent Bob Strike Back
The Quick and the Dead
Office Space
Spaceballs
Titus
True Romance
Karate Kid 2
Juno
Superman
Independence Day
Heavyweights
Apocalypse Now
Animal House
Cemetery Man
Twilight Zone
Wet Hot American Summer
Die Hard
UHF
Nightmare Before Christmas
Shaun of the Dead
Edward Scissorhands
Unbreakable
Speed Racer
Boondock Saints
Little Miss Sunshine
The Matador
Brick
Mulan
Mononoke-hime
Hudsucker Proxy
The Weather Man
The Lady Eve
The Gift
Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas
King Kong (2005)
Dawn of the Dead (1978)
Crank
Tropic Thunder
Near Dark
Wallace and Gromit
28 Days/Weeks Later
Trainspotting
Mysterious Skin
Zoolander
Stand by Me
Mystery Men
Sky High
Rush Hour 2
...Ta!
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| Yarr, I'm a pirate |
[Jul. 10th, 2008|07:31 pm] |
And by that I mean, my parents paid several thousand dollars in order to take me on a frustratingly safe and innocuous pleasure cruise to the Caribbean, where I bought a t-shirt with a pirate emblem on it (a fucking AWESOME one, which I'll explain in more detail later maybe). Awesome!
I'm gonna gloss over the rest of June, because nothing interesting really happened, save sporadic workings on Spacetronauts and a couple of songs. But the cruise...now THAT'S noteworthy. So noteworthy I daresay it's worth making a note of. Have your notebook ready.
Tools.
Anyway, the highlights are as follows:
*Illegally winning $42 (exactly) from the casino.
*Illegally purchasing a $20 liter of Goldschläger on St. Thomas.
*$6.50 liters of Captain Morgan. Ben bought six.
*$15 liters of Bombay Sapphire. I like gin.
*The fact that all the shit my parents bought me, while more than generous, was still nowhere near the value of the jewelry they bought Cara, so I'm getting a Wii now.
*The fact that Cara provided endless entertainment. Digression:
Ben spotted Cara eating at the buffet at 2 AM with a large black kid, over 6'3, who it turns out is a football player. He eventually wanted to "see her room." Cara would later insist that, despite the chances that a male would want to have sex with a female (100%, x2 for 'black/white,' x2 for 'football player,' x2 for '2 AM and wanting to see room,' for a grand total of 800%), he had absolutely no sexual interest in her whatsoever and was solely motivated by a desire for conversation because she is funny.
I'm not joking.
Seriously.
*The fact that one night, I had a 14 course meal culminating in lobster so fantastic I almost killed the waiter in joy.
*The fact that this restaurant, Sabatini's, was based on the restaurant I saw challenge Iron Chef America right before the cruise in the Parmesano Reggiano challenge.
*The fact that the cheeses used on TV were aged 2, 4 and 6 years, and the cheese served to us in the restaurant had been aged for 10.
*The fact that they gave us 40 pieces to take back with us, because we asked.
*The fact that my other dinners, while not as good, were all gourmet and at least 4 courses.
*I tried escargot, which was awesome.
*I tried rabbit, which was okay, but it came with a roasted pear, and the flavor was incredible when the two were...PEARED together. Ha. Haha.
*I tried pheasant (essentially, really juicy turkey that's called "pheasant" for some reason), which was pleasant. Ha. Haha. Ha.
*I went snorkeling and saw/could easily have antagonized, thereby putting my life at risk Irwin's Bane.
*I met a TKE/the ensuing bluntage.
*I mentioned the liquor prices, right? Cause, holy fuck.
It really was a great cruise. I saw a bunch of places I'd never seen before (San Juan Puerto Rico, where I had a mojito, which was delicious; St. Thomas, the Land of Cheap Liquor; Tortolla, where there were be pirates ARRR awesome; and Grand Turk, where there were too be pirates ARRR awesome that's also where I got my pirate shirt AWESOME), ate like two kings, lost seven pounds (hahahahahaha), and got to rip on everything the whole time with my first and most enduring satire partner. Including Lupe, our chambermaid who was not named Lupe.
I can only imagine how great a cruise will be AFTER I'm 21. Although, mad props to Alexi for his fake ID. It got me the 'schläger, kept me from being ejected from the casino, and even got me some free cheap ass champagne one night.
Awesome. |
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| "Yo, what you know: |
[Jun. 1st, 2008|09:56 pm] |
Nigga...to and fro."
- Sir Isaac Newton
You know what's been bothering me lately? The fact that I don't have a job, and thus am not making money. But, you know what's really awesome? The fact that I don't have a job, and thus do not have to do anything and can just write hilarious shit and such. Like Spacetronauts.
Go listen to Spacetronauts.
But anyway, yeah, it's totally wack, what with the lack of money. I need to find some way to exploit America, because people are total dipshits. It shouldn't be TOO hard.
And also, the GREs shouldn't, hopefully. I should...start studying for those.
And also, fuck you, AMC Theaters. Fuck you. If I wanted to pay an extra dollar every time I went to see a movie, I would've let you know. Fuckers.
...Yeah. |
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| A Word on Postal |
[May. 20th, 2008|12:44 pm] |
Okay, so, anyone who knows me even remotely well knows about my hatred for Uwe Boll, the worst director in the world, responsible for such atrocities as Bloodrayne, House of the Dead, In the Name of the King: A Dungeon Siege Tale, and my personal least favorite, Alone in the Dark.
His new movie, Postal, was set to come out this week, on 1500 screens. From what I'd seen (a few trailers and the first scene of the movie), it not only looked BETTER THAN and DIFFERENT FROM his other video game shit, but it also, dare I say, looked genuinely funny. I wanted to see it.
The Soup Nazi plays Osama bin Laden. Uwe Boll, playing himself, has a line where he says his movies are funded by Nazi gold.
This was gonna be the good one, folks. I could feel it.
But alas! As is wont to happen with Boll films, the number of screens it's opening on has been cut down. You won't find Postal on 1500 screens anymore. Now it's going to be on...
...wait for it...
4.
Four screens. In the country. One in Brooklyn, one in LA, one in Denver, and one in Tucson. Every major theater chain is boycotting Postal.
This is not because they question Boll's talent as a director, or they think the movie is bad. They released - and advertised the shit out of - all of his other monstrosities. They released Thr3e. Fucking Thr3e, which was EVEN WORSE than Boll's stuff. They don't censor movies due to quality issues.
They're boycotting Postal because they don't want to deal with any controversy due to its anti-Americanism. You know what? Fuck you, America.
Fuck you.
This sort of thing should not be happening anymore. I for one will show my outrage by never paying money for a movie again, and instead downloading everything, always.
Uwe Boll...es tut mir Leid, dass dein erster guter Film wird nicht gesehen können. Ich wollte ihn eigentlich schauen. |
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| My LONGEST BREAK...EVER! |
[May. 19th, 2008|12:32 pm] |
EVER!
Yeah, so, looks like I missed most of May. Sweet alliteration, Jason. Thanks.
Anyway, I'm back home, which is pretty cool in that I don't have classes or anything anymore, and I can make movies and shit again; but it's also not at all cool in that I don't live in a frat house where I can do whatever I want at all times and there's always a limitless supply of free(ish) alcohol. On the plus side I didn't have to move my shit out.
So, the semester's done. I don't have my gaydes (hahaha) yet, except for Java, which was my first (and last) C, as well as my first (and last) Engineering class. Fuck Java. Fuck Gries.
I'm gonna repeat that last part:
Fuck Gries.
Okay, so, other than that, the semester was pretty cool. I loved Beowulf and the Tolkien seminar, more or less decided that Anglo-Saxon studies would be the easiest/funnest way to support myself, created my own language, and I even met/fucked with Mike Huckabee, the Worst American!
Next to Gries, I mean.
Fuck Gries.
I don't have a job for the summer yet, the job market being super lame. I could've worked at that camp again but with gas prices the way they are now, and the fact that they never increase my pay, it's really not worth the commute. Crazy old Sanjay said he might be able to hook something up with Art of Living, which'd be hilarious, but...yeah...not looking too likely that they'll pay.
I like money...
...but I hate Gries.
Fuck Gries. |
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| ...Sorry. |
[Apr. 30th, 2008|04:54 pm] |
Well, it's been another while, I guess, so here's a quick update:
*Java is still super lame.
*Tolkien class (which is now over) was super awesome and ended on a lovely, scotch-related note.
*Beowulf is also awesome. The book, the guy, and the course, yes.
*4/20 was super fun.
*The Ultimate Book (http://rentsy.blogspot.com) has finished posting. Go read it.
*I started working on my language again. Sweet!
*Summer job hunting is the worst thing ever.
*Slope Day is on Friday. Awesome.
*Did I mention that I hate Java? Fuck Java. |
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| Not bridging adversity...but close... |
[Apr. 15th, 2008|03:37 pm] |
So just now I met Mike Huckabee when he came by TKE. I shook his hand twice and called him "govna," and even made a wisecrack during his inspirational speech, during the course of which he used the word "adversity" no fewer than seven times.
Fucking hilarious.
***
I have a Java test tonight which I'm almost definitely going to fail.
Fucking less hilarious. |
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| New CoursEnroll? More like JEW CoursEnroll |
[Apr. 7th, 2008|05:05 pm] |
Which, ironically enough, would not let me enroll in my Jew course.
Yes, that's right! Today was CoursEnroll day, everybody at Cornell's least favorite time EVER. Long had we suffered through the terrible, terrible program they had us use, which was slow and freezy and gay. But whereas the old system was certainly frustrating and bad, this new system is even worse. I really didn't think it was possible. But they did it. They made CoursEnroll worse.
Here's a quote I gave Cartwheel, which will HOPEFULLY find its way into the Daily Sun soon:
"Likening my CoursEnroll experience to the Holocaust might be excessive, but thanks to the system’s efforts to impede my signing up for ENGL 4580, I may never know for sure."
Although maybe I wouldn't want my name associated with that...hrm...
***
In other, awesomer news, Mike Huckabee is coming to Cornell. Mike Huckabee is also a TKE. I smell a photo op...it looks like my buddy Dirk may finally get to meet his hero!
YEAH!!!
***
It begins.
Sigh. |
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| A...nother hambone. |
[Apr. 5th, 2008|01:16 pm] |
So you know how I was all excited last week about getting four strikes in a row and a 194? Well THIS week I opened up a game with four strikes in a row (and seven total) and proceeded to get 212, so fuck last week. I SUCKED last week.
But now I'm amazing. 212? I mean, my goal for the semester was 200. I have transcended my own wildest [bowling-related] fantasy. With minimal effort.
YEAH!!!
***
I need to pick out next semester's courses today or tomorrow. I'm thinking of taking like three languages, just for the hell of it. I do most things just for the hell of it, now that I think of it...
One thing I'm sure of is that NONE of my classes will involve ANY math or anything even remotely mathlike. Fuck that shit.
But yeah, any language suggestions, for those readers who haven't abandoned me since I stopped updating all the time? Cornell offers pretty much every language, so...yeah.
***
YEAH! |
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| A...a hambone? |
[Mar. 28th, 2008|12:37 pm] |
So break came to an end, as breaks tend to do, and I returned hither, to good old Cornell. I managed to finish my 10-page "Faerie, Dream and Metafiction" paper, in which I (quite dickishly) refute a couple of Tolkien quotes by using other Tolkien quotes...and that's pretty much all of interest that's happened since my last update.
Well, except for this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=lYH6XKwwW-4
The plot is a little lacking, but seeing as it's a teaser, don't worry about that and just enjoy the awesomeness. Also I'd be happy to...you know...explain the plot, for anyone who actually cares. Do any of you actually care? Probably not. Fuck you.
Oh, yesterday I had bowling. Although I was rusty on Tuesday, probably from my week of not having bowled, yesterday I got a 158 my first game, right before the tour of the back of the alley. Apparently seeing how the pins get set up aided me in knocking them down, cause I opened up my next game with four fuckin' strikes in a row (which is apparently, as of last year [and after "100 years" of no name at all] called a hambone...three is a turkey, but most people know that) to get a grand total of 194.
I am...so good.
Awesome.
Oh and there's a mixer tonight. I'm looking forward to the pregaming more than the event though, but since it's a Seven Deadly Sins mixer I can just go as Sloth and...not dress up.
And on one final note, I woke up this morning to the sounds of some dude ripping the toilet out of my bathroom. My hallway smells like a subway now. If only there were a way to make it smell like something else... |
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| Crazy Shit That Has Gone Down This Week |
[Mar. 20th, 2008|02:04 pm] |
So break has been pretty awesome. I've spent most of it chilling with Saul, Don, Alexi and Bret in various combinations, writing some shit for a shoot on Friday (at my house finally) and shooting an awesome video WITHOUT JJ's help (fucking JJ).
Watch it hnyah: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kus9G-mCYn4
I also almost finished my new song, which is still untitled; and I've managed to neglect ALL the work I was supposed to be doing for the 'Nell. Although I HAVE more or less secured an internship sort of for the summer - one that won't necessitate my leaving the house, no less - so that's awesome.
And tonight I'll be having a combination Thai food/Wendy's dinner with everyone's favorite family, the Zeidlers!
Awesome.
I...really should do some of that work, though... |
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| Crazy Shit That Will Go Down This Week |
[Mar. 15th, 2008|12:52 pm] |
So I actually know most of the crazy shit that will go down this week. First off, no new Satisfactory Men will be filmed (Xenu dammit, JJ!), which is pretty lame, but that does open the door to OTHER creative projects, which I'm sure we'll indulge in liberally.
Hopefully I'll finally write Crack Rocks, the best idea ever.
And maybe I'll even write that 10-page essay I have to write for my Tolkien seminar. Maybe.
And...who knows what OTHER crazy shit will go down this week? |
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| Title! |
[Mar. 15th, 2008|12:17 pm] |
Well, I'm home, niggers. What crazy shit will go down this week?
Bye! |
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| NSPT! |
[Mar. 12th, 2008|06:55 pm] |
And of course, like every Wednesday, NBT. Also Spring Break starts Friday.
But I have a test tomorrow night. That's stupid.
But...NSPT!
Yeah! |
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| An upgayte |
[Mar. 6th, 2008|01:27 am] |
...and for once, that's...actually applicable.
My fingernails are currently painted "Bright Sky."
I'm...such a faggot/badass. |
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| Awesome! |
[Feb. 28th, 2008|02:06 pm] |
Which Historical Lunatic Are You?
From the fecund loins of Rum and Monkey.
"Despite striking an imposing figure with your great height and good looks, your speeches were pompous to the point of incomprehensibility. You became even more of a recluse, often spending hours reading poetry in a seashell-shaped boat in your electrically-illuminated underground grotto.
You are most famous for building three fairytale castles - Linderhof, Neuschwanstein and Herrenchiemsee - at tremendous public expense."
Awesome. |
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| Procrastigaytion... |
[Feb. 26th, 2008|05:24 pm] |
is really awesome. Really. And I'm great at it.
I mean, just look at how well I've been putting off writing these blogs lately. I'm the best around. Nothing's gonna ever keep me down. Cookie for the reference, as usual. And even though there's technically more than one right answer, there is only one right answer. So be right.
Or you'll be wrong.
***
Things are looking better insofar as they concern my staying home this summer and making Satisfactory Man my priority. There are a few jobs I'm applying for that would let me correct/edit stuff from home, which would be sweet. Deliciously sweet.
Not too much more is going on that I'm at liberty to talk about. So fuck you. |
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| Dinner convo! |
[Feb. 21st, 2008|12:52 am] |
Babu: Dude, I write shit on Juicycampus all the time when I'm bored. "Tom Turnkwist is gay."
Thumper: No you don't, I search for myself every day!
Me: Yeah, but he probably spells your name wrong.
Seriously, TKE is a sitcom. Remind me to tell you about my homo-bro (Schlomo? No!) and his wacky exploits. They're unbelievable.
I have a test tomorrow.
But then I have a four day weekend.
SHAAAAAhahahahahahahahaha! |
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